Curiosity Killed The Cat. But Satisfaction Brought It Back?

An Apraxia diagnosis is beyond overwhelming and leaves us wanting answers. Genetic testing, neurological screenings, and the money and machines involved in our desperate hunt for answers. It is overwhelming and, often, with little payoff.

As much as we want definitive answers as to why a child has Apraxia, there's definitely a balance involved between hunting for answers and purely enjoying the journey of raising a child.

Sadly, even if you do find these answers as to exactly why and how your child has Apraxia, it may not satisfy your thirst.

Your child is still fighting for their voice whether or not you know what genetic mutation they have or what the neurological testing says.

The answers you hope to find in these tests, will not resolve the fact your child is still fighting to overcome Apraxia. It may give you knowledge about exactly why your child has this disorder, but it will never make the disorder vanish.

It won't alleviate their struggle to find their voice.

It's a dangerous rabbit hole that often leads to various tests, large expenses, and suddenly the desire for answers consumes you and you forget to appreciate your child growing up and all the beautiful moments in between.

I honestly admire and respect the commitment it takes to undergo these tests and screenings for more answers, but I do urge you to not let it cloud your vision.

Do not let it blind you from enjoying the journey of raising a child, of being a parent, and of living and enjoying life.

I'm young and I do not have a child, so I am not in the same position as parents and guardians reading this.

However, I can relate in one regard to the decision of testing or not to test.

Full disclosure though: I cannot believe I'm sharing this with you, but I trust I can share everything in my Apraxia Journey with you as you have shared your journeys with me.

As I'm getting older, I at times ponder the idea of having children of my own in the future. There's plenty of fears with that on its own, but throw in Apraxia?

I do not even know if it's genetic or not.

That's bothersome, and I'd love to just know the answer. I'd love to know if I will give Apraxia to my hypothetical child.

Will I be responsible for their speech issues? Will I be to blame for their bullies? My deepest fear is having a child with Apraxia, they come home from school after being bullied and they angrily yell, "Why do I speak like you?!"

You can only imagine that I've thought about this potential issue a bit too much.

People ask my biggest issue with Apraxia today, and it's my fear of having a child and giving Apraxia to them.

Isn't that funny, my biggest issue as an adult is my fear of a nonexistent person's future and their potential Apraxia.

If only I knew the answer, then I could easily decide when the time comes.

If the test says, "Yes, you'll give your child Apraxia"-I would not have children.

If the test says, "No you won't give your child Apraxia"-I'd consider having a child if the time came.

Sounds so simple and fool-proof.

But pathetic and boring.

As much as I'd love to know the definitive answers to whether or not my future potential children will have such a disorder. I do not want it to dictate how I live nor have these tests dictate my life choice to have children or not. I suppose I'd like to witness what life brings and just let science be on the sidelines.

Life is full of the unexpected. That's what makes life, well life. Your child diagnosed with Apraxia was unexpected, but you are on such a beautiful journey of perseverance as they fight for their voice. Although these tests may settle our nerves and need for answers, ultimately they must balance with our appreciation of life-it's ups, downs and everything in between.