Apraxia Has Given...
Apraxia has given me...Confidence.
A twisted sense of humor.
But, in turn, it's given me flaws.
I know what it's like to think you're doing something right, yet in practice it's wrong.
We all focus on a child's mere ability to speak and function when they're older, we forget about the emotional implications.
We forget about the emotional lessons these kids witness.
1. You think you're speaking correctly, but you're not. No matter how hard you try, it feels like you're constantly wrong.
2. You go to therapy to do something everyone else has no issues with-speaking for goodness sake.
3. People are different, some you can trust and rely on more than others. You're told to rely on and turn to other Adults-teachers for instance-but let's face it. Some teachers and supposed-to-help adults don't all empathize the same. Nor do they care the same. Some don't see your disorder as a legit reason you're doing poorly. Some don't even see you as capable. You think kids don't notice-- they do. They know who to turn to and who they cannot.
Apraxia has given me an authority problem. I only respect authority if they mutually respect me.
As a kid, I've seen authority discredit my disorder. I've seen authority lack empathy, lack decency, and lack accountability. It's infuriating to respect others when they lack the ability to do so in return, why on earth would I want to rely on them for help?
I have a voice to tell people to leave me alone, to leave others alone.
I have a voice to tell people I'm anxious, give me space.
I have a voice to express my intelligence.
I have a voice.
In turn for this voice, I found my flaws.
Mistrust. Anxiety. Authority Problems.
But, nonetheless, I have my voice. I have my truth. I have my strength. For every flaw I have, there's a strength I have in turn.
Apraxia, even into adulthood, has given me perspective.