Breaking Down Physical Movements

Does anyone else with Apraxia have issues executing physical movement? Coordination has always been a struggle, and even as an adult I find that tasks that come easy to most-requires a bit more forethought on my part. 

For instance, I cannot drink out of a water bottle and walk at the same time. I have to stay completely still, sip, finish, and then proceed. I also cannot hold a cup with one hand and walk at the same time; I spill every single time-so two hands it is.

Anyways, I usually put on a good front with physical exercise: I play softball, I've run marathons, and I now lift weights. I look like a normal athlete, but sometimes I have my fall-apart moments-My apraxia comes up and just reminds me that I process things differently than others. 

I was recently working out with my boyfriend and had a total meltdown. While bench pressing, we were working on some alternating movements. Where your arms go towards your chest, you lift your heels up, then when your arms push upwards, you push your heels downwards-and back n' forth you go. 

No matter how hard I tried-even without weights-I could not move my arms up and down while alternating my heels. Something SO simple that others did on YouTube with ease and I am telling myself in a very step-by-step format "Heels Up, Arms Down, Heels Down, Arms Up." Yet still the physical execution I was stumbling over. 

The frustration is, and again it's token Apraxia: I know what to do, I can say what to do, I know mentally how I'm 'supposed' to move, yet for the life of me I cannot physically do it. 

I burst into tears out of frustration; of course, trying to explain to my partner that my brain knows what it wants to do but my limbs just get confused and have a spotty connection with my brain's intentions. 

He, beyond patient, just reassures me that trying to force a connection to a spotty receiver isn't going to help anything. We just will find a different way to make the connection another time. 

There was no more working out or meltdowns that evening, but there was plenty of frozen yogurt. 

Even in my late twenties Apraxia sneaks up on me, but if the many years of this speech disorder have taught me anything-Good company and frozen desserts are always worth celebrating and truly make the journey just a little bit easier.